I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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