it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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