Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize