Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
