I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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