shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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