Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
