I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
