omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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