I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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