Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
