Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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