Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
