I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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