Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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