Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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