dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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