Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
