her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize