as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ruined the universe
Randomize