So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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