it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
