Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Come see our sink grown plant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
