We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
