I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
