You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
