i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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