I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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