You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
