We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize