I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
