I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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