Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
