remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
