I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
