You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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