You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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