***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
