theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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