Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want nice things and good sex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
