Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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