I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
