is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
