: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
