i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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