Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
