please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
