Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
