I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize