Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
