very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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