So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
