I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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