Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
