My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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