I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
