From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
