Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
