I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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