i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
