We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
