I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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