I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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