3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the day after is always just damage control
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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