I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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