I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
