You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize