Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
