i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
